When to Get Help: Recognizing the Signs That You Need More Support
Learning to recognize your limits isn't weakness—it's wisdom. Here's how to know when it's time to ask for help.
Key Takeaways
- ✓Needing help doesn't mean you're failing—caregiving is too big for one person
- ✓Physical and emotional warning signs indicate when help is urgently needed
- ✓Getting help makes you a better caregiver, not a worse one
- ✓Many free and low-cost support resources exist
- ✓Asking for help early prevents crisis later
Family caregivers often push themselves to exhaustion before admitting they need help. There's a misconception that "good" caregivers do it all alone, that needing support means you're not devoted enough, or that asking for help somehow fails your parent.
The truth is the opposite. Recognizing your limits and getting help when you need it is one of the most important things you can do—both for yourself and for your parent. A burned-out caregiver cannot provide good care. Understanding when you've reached your capacity isn't giving up; it's being smart about sustainable caregiving.
Warning Signs You Need More Support
Caregiver burnout often develops gradually. You adjust to each new demand until one day you realize you're barely functioning. Learning to recognize early warning signs helps you seek help before reaching crisis.
Physical Warning Signs
Exhaustion
- • Feeling tired all the time, even after rest
- • Needing excessive caffeine to function
- • Difficulty getting out of bed
- • Physical weakness or heaviness
Health Changes
- • Getting sick more often
- • Existing conditions worsening
- • Unexplained aches and pains
- • Significant weight changes
Sleep Problems
- • Insomnia or difficulty sleeping
- • Sleeping too much but not feeling rested
- • Nightmares or anxious dreams
- • Disrupted sleep schedule
Self-Neglect
- • Skipping your own medical appointments
- • Not taking your medications
- • Poor eating habits
- • No time for exercise or self-care
Emotional Warning Signs
Mood Changes
- • Persistent sadness or emptiness
- • Feeling hopeless about the future
- • Irritability or angry outbursts
- • Anxiety that won't go away
Negative Feelings
- • Resentment toward your parent
- • Guilt about not doing enough
- • Wishing it would "just be over"
- • Feeling trapped or stuck
Loss of Joy
- • Things you used to enjoy feel pointless
- • Can't remember last time you laughed
- • Going through the motions numbly
- • Feeling like yourself is disappearing
Overwhelm
- • Difficulty making decisions
- • Feeling paralyzed by tasks
- • Constant worry about everything
- • Feeling like you can't cope
Behavioral Warning Signs
- Social isolation: Withdrawing from friends and activities
- Substance use: Drinking more, using medications to cope
- Neglecting responsibilities: Bills unpaid, work suffering, kids ignored
- Relationship strain: Conflicts with spouse, family, friends
- Loss of patience: Snapping at your parent, handling them roughly
Urgent Warning Signs
Seek help immediately if you experience:
- • Thoughts of harming yourself or your parent
- • Feeling you might "snap" or lose control
- • Persistent thoughts of death or suicide
- • Complete inability to function
Crisis Line: 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
Overcoming Barriers to Asking for Help
If you recognize these warning signs in yourself, why is it still so hard to ask for help? Understanding common barriers helps you move past them.
"I should be able to handle this"
Caregiving is one of the most demanding jobs that exists. Professional caregivers work shifts and go home. You're doing it 24/7. No one is meant to handle this alone. Needing help isn't weakness—it's reality.
"No one else can do it as well as I can"
Maybe true for some things, but "good enough" care from others while you recover is better than burned-out care from you. And others may bring skills and perspective you don't have.
"I don't want to burden anyone"
Most people genuinely want to help but don't know how. Asking gives them a way to contribute. And if you collapse, you'll become a much bigger burden to everyone.
"My parent only wants me"
This may be true initially, but people often adjust to new helpers. Start small. And remember: your parent needs you healthy more than they need you exclusive.
"I can't afford to pay for help"
Many resources are free or low-cost: family help, support groups, volunteer programs, community services. Financial assistance exists for those who qualify. There are more options than you might think.
"I feel guilty taking time for myself"
Self-care isn't selfish—it's essential. You can't pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself enables you to take better care of your parent.
Types of Help Available
Practical/Physical Help
Respite Care
- • In-home respite providers
- • Adult day programs
- • Short-term residential respite
- • Volunteer respite programs
Home Care Services
- • Personal care aides
- • Home health aides
- • Homemaker services
- • Companion services
Daily Living Support
- • Meal delivery (Meals on Wheels)
- • Transportation services
- • Housekeeping help
- • Grocery delivery
Medical Support
- • Home health nursing
- • Physical/occupational therapy
- • Medication management
- • Telehealth services
Emotional Support
- Support groups: Connect with others who understand (in-person or online)
- Individual counseling: Work through feelings with a therapist
- Family therapy: Address dynamics and improve communication
- Pastoral care: Spiritual support from faith communities
- Peer support: One-on-one connections with experienced caregivers
Information and Guidance
- Geriatric care managers: Professional coordination and guidance
- Area Agency on Aging: Local resource connections
- Social workers: Help navigating systems and services
- Disease-specific organizations: Alzheimer's Association, etc.
- Caregiver resource centers: Education and support services
How to Ask for Help
Asking Family and Friends
People often want to help but don't know what to do. Make it easy for them:
Be Specific
Instead of: "I could use some help sometime."
Try: "Could you stay with Mom for 3 hours on Saturday so I can go to my doctor appointment?"
Or: "I need someone to pick up Dad's prescriptions on Tuesdays. Would that work for you?"
Tips for Successful Asks
- Make specific requests with clear timeframes
- Match tasks to people's strengths and schedules
- Give people options to choose from
- Accept help in the form it's offered (it may not be what you expected)
- Express genuine appreciation
- Don't criticize how they do things (different is okay)
- Follow up to let them know the impact
Holding a Family Meeting
For significant help needs, consider bringing family together:
- Share the current situation objectively
- Describe what your parent needs
- Explain what you've been doing
- Be honest about your limitations
- Present specific ways people can help
- Allow people to choose their contributions
- Create a schedule or plan
- Set follow-up date to assess
Finding Professional Help
When you need to bring in professionals:
- Start with Area Agency on Aging: Call Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116
- Check insurance benefits: Many plans cover some home care
- Ask your parent's doctor: They can provide referrals
- Contact local senior centers: They know community resources
- Reach out to disease-specific organizations: They often have support services
Caregiver Self-Assessment
Be honest with yourself. How many of these statements are true for you?
Check all that apply:
- ☐ I feel exhausted even when I get sleep
- ☐ I've been sick more often than usual
- ☐ I've skipped my own medical appointments
- ☐ I feel sad or hopeless most of the time
- ☐ I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy
- ☐ I often feel irritable or angry
- ☐ I've withdrawn from friends and activities
- ☐ I feel resentful about caregiving
- ☐ I have trouble concentrating
- ☐ I've been drinking more or using sleep aids
- ☐ I feel like I have no time for myself
- ☐ I worry constantly about my parent
- ☐ I feel trapped or stuck
- ☐ My relationships are suffering
- ☐ I sometimes wish this would just end
Scoring
0-3: You're managing well, but stay vigilant
4-7: You're showing signs of strain—time to seek more support
8+: You need help now—reach out to resources today