Moving day is one of the most emotional experiences in caregiving. Your parent is leaving behind their home—and all it represents—for an unfamiliar place. With proper planning, you can make this transition gentler for them and less overwhelming for yourself. This guide walks you through everything from weeks before to the crucial first days.
Weeks Before Moving Day
Good preparation prevents moving day chaos and helps your parent feel more in control.
Coordinate with the Facility
- Confirm the move-in date and time: Ask what time is best (usually late morning allows settling before lunch)
- Get room measurements: Exact dimensions for furniture planning
- Ask what's provided: Bed, dresser, nightstand? What can you bring?
- Review what's prohibited: Space heaters, hot plates, certain furniture
- Understand the move-in process: Where to park, who to check in with, paperwork needed
- Request a room assignment: If possible, see the actual room beforehand
Handle Paperwork in Advance
- Complete admission forms: Don't wait until moving day
- Gather medical records: Vaccination records, recent test results, medication list
- Provide pharmacy information: For medication transfers
- Share emergency contacts: All family members who should be called
- Arrange payment: First month's rent, deposits
- Set up automatic payments: If desired
Practical Arrangements
- Hire movers if needed: Or recruit family members to help
- Arrange transportation: How will your parent get there?
- Set up cable/phone/internet: If not provided by facility
- Forward mail: Change address with post office
- Update address: Banks, insurance, subscriptions, Medicare
- Cancel home services: Utilities, lawn care (when appropriate)
What to Bring
The goal is creating a space that feels like home within the room's limitations.
Furniture (Check Facility Limits)
- Comfortable recliner or favorite chair
- Small dresser if not provided
- Nightstand
- Small bookshelf or display cabinet
- TV stand or small entertainment center
- Small table for eating or activities
Measure Twice
Get exact room dimensions and measure furniture before moving day. Nothing is worse than discovering a beloved chair won't fit through the door or the room.
Personal Items
- Family photos: Framed photos of loved ones, weddings, grandchildren
- Meaningful artwork: Favorite paintings, wall hangings
- Quilts or afghans: Homemade items with sentimental value
- Religious items: Bible, rosary, prayer shawl, menorah
- Hobby supplies: Knitting, puzzles, books, cards
- Memory items: Photo albums, scrapbooks to share with staff
Practical Necessities
- Clothing: 7-10 days of comfortable, easy-to-dress outfits (label everything)
- Shoes: Non-slip, supportive footwear
- Toiletries: Familiar brands of soap, shampoo, lotion
- Glasses/hearing aids: With cases and cleaning supplies
- Dentures: With cleaning supplies and labeled container
- TV and remote: Pre-programmed with favorite channels
- Clock: Large, easy-to-read
- Telephone: Simple one if facility allows personal phones
Documentation to Keep in Room
- Copy of important phone numbers (large print)
- Photos with names of family members (helpful for staff)
- Brief life history for staff to reference
- List of preferences (nickname, morning person, likes quiet)
What NOT to Bring
- Valuables: Expensive jewelry, large amounts of cash
- Prohibited items: Space heaters, candles, hot plates
- Too much furniture: Overcrowding makes the room feel cramped
- Everything at once: Start minimal; add items later as needed
Preparing Your Parent Emotionally
How you prepare them depends on their cognitive status and personality.
For Cognitively Intact Parents
- Involve them in planning: Let them choose what to bring, how to arrange the room
- Visit the facility together: Multiple times if possible
- Meet staff in advance: Put faces to names
- Attend an activity or meal: Experience the community before moving
- Talk through concerns: Acknowledge fears without dismissing them
- Focus on positives: Activities, socialization, no more home maintenance worries
For Parents with Dementia
- Don't announce too far ahead: Repetitive anxiety about the move is counterproductive
- Use simple explanations: "We're going to a place where nice people will help you"
- Set up the room before they arrive: Familiar items already in place
- Have familiar items visible immediately: Photos, favorite blanket
- Don't argue: If they forget or protest, redirect rather than explain repeatedly
- Consider therapeutic fibbing: Sometimes a "white lie" prevents distress
A Note on Honesty
With dementia, traditional honesty can cause repeated trauma as they process the news again and again. Some families find it kinder to frame the move as "staying here while the house is being worked on" or similar. This is a personal and difficult choice—do what protects their emotional wellbeing.
The Day Before
Final Preparations
- Pack everything: Label boxes clearly by room area
- Prepare a "first day" bag: Essentials they'll need immediately
- Charge electronics: Phone, hearing aids, tablet
- Confirm with facility: Verify time and any last-minute details
- Confirm with movers/helpers: Everyone knows when and where
- Plan the route: Know where you're going and parking
First Day Bag Should Include
- Medications for first 24 hours
- Glasses, hearing aids, dentures
- Comfortable change of clothes
- Toiletries for freshening up
- Favorite snack
- Family photo to set out immediately
- Familiar blanket or pillow
- Phone charger
Emotional Preparation
- Spend quality time together: If appropriate, visit their current home one last time
- Allow grieving: This is a real loss; don't minimize it
- Take care of yourself: Get rest; tomorrow will be long
- Rally support: Have a friend or sibling available if you need backup
Moving Day: Step by Step
Morning
- Keep routine normal: Regular breakfast, medications as usual
- Dress comfortably: Easy-to-manage clothes, comfortable shoes
- Stay calm: Your anxiety transfers to them
- Manage the move separately if possible: Have one person handle logistics while another stays with your parent
The Transition
- Don't linger at the old home: Extended goodbyes make leaving harder
- Consider going separately: Someone takes your parent while others handle the move
- Bring comfort items: Favorite music for the car, familiar snack
- Frame it positively: "Let's go see your new place" rather than "leaving home"
Arrival at Facility
- Check in at front desk: Complete any remaining paperwork
- Meet key staff: Introduce your parent to caregivers by name
- Go to the room: Ideally, some setup is already done
- Orient to the space: Show where the bathroom is, how to call for help
- Take your time: Don't rush through this transition
Pro Tip: Divide and Conquer
Have one family member stay with your parent while others set up the room and unpack. This prevents your parent from being overwhelmed by chaos and gives them undivided attention.
The First Hours
How you spend the first hours sets the tone for their adjustment.
Setting Up the Room
- Make the bed with familiar bedding: Their own pillow and blanket
- Display photos prominently: On nightstand, dresser
- Set up the TV: Tuned to a familiar channel
- Arrange the bathroom: Toiletries in accessible places
- Put clothes away: In easy-to-find locations
- Set the clock: Correct time, easy to see from bed
Helping Them Settle
- Sit and rest together: Don't keep them standing
- Walk them to key locations: Bathroom, dining room, nurses' station
- Introduce neighbors: If you encounter residents in the hall
- Stay for a meal: Eating together in the dining room provides support during a social situation
- Attend an activity: If one is happening, join them
Important Conversations with Staff
- Share personal history: Who they are beyond their medical needs
- Explain preferences: Morning person? Tea vs coffee? Nickname?
- Discuss concerns: Fall risk, sleep patterns, dietary needs
- Ask about the schedule: Meals, activities, medication times
- Get contact information: Who to call with questions
Saying Goodbye (For Now)
At some point, you need to leave. This is hard—but necessary.
When to Go
- After settling is complete: Room set up, lunch attended, tour done
- Before exhaustion sets in: Both yours and theirs
- At a natural transition point: Before dinner, after an activity starts
- Usually 3-4 hours: Enough to settle, not so long departure becomes harder
How to Say Goodbye
- Be matter-of-fact: Don't drag it out or be overly emotional
- Assure them: "I'll be back to visit soon" (and mean it)
- Give a specific timeframe: "I'll call you tonight and visit on Saturday"
- Don't sneak out: Even with dementia, say goodbye clearly
- Leave them with an activity: TV on, staff engaging them
Managing Your Emotions
- It's okay to cry: Just not dramatically in front of them
- Have somewhere to go: Don't rush home to an empty house
- Call someone: Debrief with a sibling, spouse, or friend
- Be gentle with yourself: You've done something incredibly hard
- Resist the urge to return immediately: Give them (and you) time to adjust
Don't Fall for "Take Me Home"
Your parent may beg to leave. This is heartbreaking but normal. Giving in and taking them home—only to move them again—causes more trauma than staying the course. Reassure them, remind them why they're there, and let staff help redirect them.
The First Week
The first week is critical for adjustment. Here's how to support them.
Visiting Schedule
- Visit regularly but not constantly: Daily short visits are better than camping out
- Vary visit times: See different shifts, different activities
- Keep visits positive: Bring something, do an activity together
- Don't just sit in the room: Walk around, meet people, attend activities
- Leave before they're exhausted: Quality over quantity
Communication
- Call daily: Brief check-ins maintain connection
- Check in with staff: Ask how they're eating, sleeping, engaging
- Report concerns promptly: Don't wait for problems to escalate
- Share positive feedback: Let staff know what's working
Expect Some Regression
The first week may be rough. It's normal for new residents to:
- Sleep more than usual
- Have reduced appetite
- Be tearful or anxious
- Ask to go home repeatedly
- Have temporary confusion (even without dementia)
Most people improve significantly after the first 2-4 weeks.
Helping Adjustment
- Encourage activity participation: Social engagement speeds adjustment
- Introduce yourself to neighbors: Help build their social network
- Bring small treats: Favorite snacks, flowers, new photos
- Celebrate small wins: "You went to the exercise class!"
- Be patient: Adjustment takes weeks to months, not days