Whether they're moving to assisted living, in with family, or to a smaller home, this is one of the hardest days in caregiving. This guide helps you prepare, execute, and support your parent through the transition.
ParentCareGuide.com
4 Weeks Before: Preparation
Logistics
Confirm move-in date with new residence
Hire movers or recruit family help
Get floor plan of new space, measure for furniture
Create inventory of what's coming vs. what stays/goes
Schedule utilities transfer/cancellation
Submit change of address to post office
What to Bring (For Assisted Living/Memory Care)
Comfortable furniture (favorite chair, small dresser)
Bedding they know and love
Family photos (framed, ready to hang)
Familiar decorations, artwork
TV and simple remote (or facility's TV)
Clock with day/date display
Clothing labeled with their name
Personal care items they prefer
Meaningful objects (not valuable, may get lost)
Emotional Preparation
Talk with parent about the move (even if they have dementia)
Visit new location together if possible
Focus on positives: safety, social opportunities, less burden
Acknowledge their feelings, grief, fear, anger are normal
Prepare yourself emotionally too
The Story Matters
How you frame the move matters. Instead of "You can't live alone anymore," try "We found a place where you'll have help when you need it and people to talk to every day." Focus on what they're gaining, not losing.
1 Week Before: Final Prep
Packing Strategy
Pack a "first night" bag with essentials (meds, toiletries, pajamas, phone charger)
Label all boxes clearly by room and contents
Keep important documents with you, don't pack them
Pack comfort items last so they're unpacked first
Take photos of how furniture is arranged if they like it
Notify These People/Places
Primary care doctor
Specialists
Pharmacy (transfer prescriptions)
Medicare/insurance
Social Security
Bank
Church/community groups
Close friends and neighbors
For the New Location
Confirm move-in paperwork is complete
Provide complete medication list
Share care preferences and routines
Give emergency contact list
Discuss dietary restrictions/preferences
Ask about move-in day logistics (best time, where to unload)
For Memory Care Moves
Many facilities recommend a "quick transition" for dementia patients, you set up the room before they arrive, then bring them without a prolonged goodbye at the old home. This can feel harsh but often reduces confusion and distress. Ask the facility for their recommendation.
Moving Day Checklist
Morning Of
Give parent their medications as usual
Feed them a good breakfast
Keep them away from the chaos if possible (have someone take them out)
Do a final walkthrough of old home
Collect all keys, garage openers, etc.
At the New Location
Arrive before parent if possible to start setup
Make the bed first, a made bed feels like home
Put up family photos immediately
Set up their favorite chair in a good spot
Arrange bathroom with familiar toiletries
Put familiar items in visible places
Set up TV if applicable
Place clock where they can see it
When Parent Arrives
Walk them through the space calmly
Show them where the bathroom is (repeat as needed)
Introduce them to key staff members
Stay for a meal if possible
Keep first visit relatively short, don't exhaust them
Tell them when you'll be back (and follow through)
The Goodbye
Leaving is hard. Keep it brief and loving. "I love you. I'll see you [specific day]. The staff will take good care of you." Then go, even if they protest. Lingering makes it harder for both of you. Staff are experienced at helping new residents settle.
The First Week: Adjustment Period
The first week is often the hardest. Here's what to expect and how to help.
What's Normal
Confusion, disorientation
Repeated questions ("Why am I here?" "When can I go home?")
Anger, blame, accusations
Sadness, crying, withdrawal
Sleep disruption
Appetite changes
Requests to go home
This Is Grief
Your parent is grieving, their home, their independence, their former life. This is normal and healthy. Don't try to talk them out of their feelings. Acknowledge them: "I know this is hard. I'm sorry you're going through this."
How to Help
Visit consistently (same days/times if possible)
Keep visits positive but not too long
Bring small comforts (favorite snack, magazine, flowers)
Encourage participation in activities
Get to know staff, they're your partners now
Resist the urge to "rescue" them
Call to check in between visits
When to Be Concerned
Contact staff or doctor if:
They're not eating or drinking for multiple days
Signs of depression that worsen after 2-3 weeks
New physical symptoms (falls, confusion worse than before)
They express thoughts of self-harm
Significant weight loss
The 6-Week Rule
Most adjustment specialists say it takes about 6 weeks for a new resident to settle in. The first 2 weeks are usually the hardest. If things are still very difficult after 6 weeks, then it's time for deeper evaluation. Give it time.
Taking Care of Yourself
Moving your parent is emotionally devastating, even when it's the right thing. Your feelings matter too.
What You Might Feel
Guilt: "I promised I'd never put them in a home"
Relief: And then guilt about feeling relieved
Grief: For the parent they used to be, for the home they left
Anger: At the situation, siblings, the disease, yourself
Exhaustion: Physical and emotional depletion
Anxiety: "Did I make the right choice?" "Are they okay?"
Permission Granted
You are allowed to feel relief. You are allowed to feel sad. You are allowed to feel all of it at once. Making this decision doesn't make you a bad child, it makes you a responsible one. You chose safety and proper care over impossible solo heroics. That's love.
Self-Care in the Coming Weeks
Talk to someone, friend, therapist, support group
Don't make major decisions right now (you're depleted)
Rest, you've been running on adrenaline
Maintain your normal routines
Set boundaries on visit frequency (you need recovery too)
Let go of guilt when it comes, it's a liar
What to Do With Their Old Home
There's no rush. Consider:
Sell it (use proceeds for care costs)
Rent it (income stream)
Hold it temporarily (in case transition doesn't work)
Consult an elder law attorney about Medicaid implications